Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
