You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
