I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
