i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
