i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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