I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
