he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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