Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
