We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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