He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
