I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
