I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
