I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
