As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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