For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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