1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
