How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
