Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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