Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
