the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize