How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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