I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There's always time for handjobs
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
