you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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