I just pynch a tree in the face
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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