You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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