the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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