Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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