He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
