Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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