Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
there's paper in my vomit.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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