how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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