We won't sleep together?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
