probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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