i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
