That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
