Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize