I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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