Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
