Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
