OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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