They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
