but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
