currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
