Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
