If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
