SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize