We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
