Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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