You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
