Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
