You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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