11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
