I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
