OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
