Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
