fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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