how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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