Just fell off a train. Bad.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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