Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
