my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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