She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
