he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We left an ass print on the piano.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
