i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
