VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
