I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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