I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
