There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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